This week saw another amazing week with some beautiful women...Ive never opened up to a group of women as much as this Sistahood Circle.
I actually feel I can speak without judgement, and I think the others feel the same way. A lot of the time I feel my friends hear me but don’t listen to what I’m saying - that its a lot of woe is me, blah blah me me me. And yet going through separation from the father of your children, even if the marriage is over, is the most traumatic experience of my life (thus far obviously). And I have felt lately that I can’t speak to anyone about it as they’ve heard too much.
Or that I can’t admit that being me scares me shitless, and that I’ve been putting on a bit of an act - for A LONG TIME.
And there was a moment towards the end of Circle when Trace said to me ‘are you saying you have to be perfect at everything’, I knew she was right and it was time to admit - I can’t be perfect at everything. And so what if I’m not.
This moment came after we got to dance as queens (and I LOVE dancing) and then draw our experience - and I dislike drawing immensely. Because I’m not perfect, its true!
And a long time ago, after trying really had to create what I thought was a beautiful picture of a flower, my Year 6 teacher held up my drawing to the class - and said that ‘something like wasn’t good enough. That this was an example of someone not trying hard enough’ and yet I had tried so hard, I had put everything into it - and because I am not artistically talented, my hard work was ripped to shreds in front of me, anonymously thank goodness. But I still will never forget.
So my next goal is to let go of this, to be proud of whatever I draw and not to care if its not a piece of art - I’m not Michelangelo and I don’t need to be. But I shouldn’t be ashamed to show a group of women who have supported me during this amazing journey!
I’m slowly letting go of my ‘muggle’ ways, I’m definitely not there yet, but its slowly happening. I”m opening up more, and I’m slowly getting that I don’t have to hang around fit women to be accepted - that friendship comes in all shapes and sizes, that women are women and we all have the same fears, loves, hopes, dreams and more.
I’m excited to see what the next few weeks brings me as I explore the spiritual side of Skye and I let her out a bit more!